Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

I Finally Figured Out WTF...

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What's up! Welcome to my blog...again. I say again because this isn't the first time I've blogged for the first time. However, it may be the first time again that I'm done creating something for the first time.

Or maybe not.

If your head isn't spinning by now, GREAT! One of two things might have happened then. Either you're bat shit crazy like me or you're married to someone who's bat shit crazy. Either circumstance is fantastic. It's fantastic because from this point out, we're going to go on a journey together trying to figure out this thing called "mom life" together. I have been in this game for 20 years with my eldest being 19. Yes, I'm including my first pregnancy time because I think that's when the shit got real for me. My youngest is nearly 7. So yeah, it's going to be a hell of a ride because I have some shit to say about being a parent then and now. Parenting now has me all twisted.

My resting face looks much like a Resting Bitch Face. I'm not even sad here, just expressionless with a whirlwind of thoughts going through that brain of mine.

My resting face looks much like a Resting Bitch Face. I'm not even sad here, just expressionless with a whirlwind of thoughts going through that brain of mine.

Anyway, back to the point of this first blog post.

What exactly have I figured out? 

I'll attempt to keep this long story short for the sake of keeping your focus. For years I thought something might have been wrong with me and it happened right around the time my little dude was born. "What the fuck?" I stopped wanting to do things involving people. I started to feel almost forced to engage with people and so I didn't bother much with it. Except I had to do it. I had to interact. So I faked the funk a lot of times trying to connect with people who I literally couldn't connect with. This was with almost everyone like my family, personal friendships, work, networking with other parents. It was truly emotionally draining and I'm over here like "Really, What the fuck?". I wanted to be this person who could still shoot the breeze with people and hang out all day but I just could not do it anymore. When I did, I would often times retreat back indoors for days not talking to anyone except those who live with me...or my mother. Shit, this was even the way before little dude was born...but not as pronounced. I guess my time wasn't so much in demand then. In any rate, this left me alone which was great, but at the same time I felt lonely. Lonely is not fun

So being the exploratory person that I am, I needed to understand what this was. I read that I might be depressed. Shit, really? I read that I may need talk therapy. Well I did that shit too. Although, it did help me understand some other shit (that I won't get into here,) but it never did reveal to me what the hell was happening to me. I prayed for answers. I waited for God's replies. I went back to therapy. Quit. Read more online articles. All pointed back to therapy.

Then a friend told me about Susan Cain's book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. It was life changing for me as it was able to explain to me what it is to feel like not wanting to deal with people so much. Introverts by nature can not interact with people for a long period of time, so knowing that makes it normal for me to be the way that I am.

Please understand, I love people. I really really do. 

This book has now given me a "word" to research and the more I learned the better understanding I got of myself. I dug even further with taking a Meyer Briggs Personality test and it confirmed that I am not only an introvert, but a specific kind, an INFJ. (click to read attributes on the INFJ personality).

Learning that I am an introvert myself, has really helped me with connecting with others. I have lost old friends simply because the truth is, we do not sync well and I'm ok with that. There's nothing worse than being in a relationship that's not fulfilling to your soul. I love them still but we can't fake the funk anymore, it wouldn't be fair to either of us. I look forward to making new connections (although difficult still) and communicating in ways that are most comfortable to me like preferring to email and text than to talk on the phone LOL. At the end of the day, I learned that it's ok to be myself, to protect myself by setting boundaries allowing me to be a better wife, parent, and friend.  

If you're ever feeling a disconnect with yourself and others, I encourage you to be brave and start seeking answers. Speak to a friend, speak to a therapist. Either way, don't live another day feeling less than your best self. I'll talk more about this in future posts because every day I'm learning more and more about introversion. I love that I am and I'm happier for it. 

Now, get the hell out of here and go get you some happy.


sherrie LANELL (Click to learn a bit more about me)